The holiday season should be a time filled with joy and connection yet for many, it can also bring stress, anxiety, and complex family dynamics. Whether it’s an inappropriate dinner conversation or feeling overwhelmed to have the “perfect” day, navigating all things family can be a challenge. The key to enjoying the holidays while also maintaining your mental health involves setting clear and healthy boundaries.
What are Boundaries?
A boundary is a limit or edge that defines you as separate from others (Katherine, 1991, p.14). A boundary promotes self-respect and honors your needs. Boundaries vary depending on where you are and who you are with. Certain boundaries and comforts you have at home and with your partner would not be appropriate for your workplace and vice versa.
Understanding the Importance of Boundaries
Boundaries are essential for your physical and emotional well-being. Boundaries allow you to protect your mental space, respect your own needs, and ensure you are prioritizing what is important to you. During the holidays, setting boundaries is more than saying “no” to events or requests. It’s about defining your limits and communicating them with confidence.
Why are Boundaries Important During the Holidays?
Preventing emotional burnout: By setting clear expectations, you avoid overcommitting and feeling drained.
Reducing conflict: Clear boundaries help manage family dynamics, and prevent misunderstandings.
Promoting self-respect: Boundaries show that you value your own well-being and time just as much as you value your family’s.
Tips for Setting Boundaries
Identify Your Limits Ahead of Time- Holidays arrive quickly. Don’t wait until the night before to reflect on your needs. Take time prior to the holiday season to think about what you need out of the holidays. Are there specific things you want to avoid? Are there difficult conversations you’d rather not have? By understanding your own needs, you can better communicate them to others.
Communicate Clearly and Calmly- When setting boundaries, clarity is key. Express your needs in a respectful yet assertive way. Be direct. Don’t debate, defend, or over-explain. State your need in terms of what you would like, not what you don’t want. For example, “I’d love to spend time with you, but I need to leave by 8:00 pm to get the baby to bed”. Another example may be, “I would love for you to hold the baby, but I need you to wash your hands first”.
Expect Pushback, but Stay Firm- When setting boundaries, know that some family members may resist. There may be family members who try to guilt you into doing things you are not comfortable with. Stay confident in your needs and firmly restate your boundaries. Know you don’t have to “give in”.
Practice Self- Compassion- It is normal to feel guilt or shame when setting boundaries, especially with family members. Remember that your well-being is a priority. Practicing self-compassion helps to embrace your right to set boundaries and take care of yourself.
Staying True to Yourself
Setting boundaries is something you do for yourself. Boundaries honor your limits and allow
you to take responsibility for your needs and overall happiness. During the holidays, remind yourself that you don’t have to meet all expectations. It is okay to say no to things that make you uncomfortable and don’t serve your emotional well-being.
Holidays should be a time for connecting with those you love the most. By communicating your needs, and prioritizing your emotional well-being, you are protecting your peace and fostering healthy relationships. Enjoy your holiday season knowing you are honoring both your family, and yourself.
References:
Katherine, A. (1991). Boundaries- Where you end and I begin. Google Books. https://books.google.com/books
Tawwab, N. G. (2016, March). Set boundaries, Find Peace. A guide to Reclaiming yourself. Google Books. https://books.google.com/books?id=eF0EEAAAQBAJ&dq=setting+boundaries&lr=&source=gbs_navlinks_s
Ray, R. (2021). Setting Boundaries. Google Books. https://books.google.com/bookshl=en&lr=&id=0t0mEAAAQBAJ&oi=fn
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Martin, S. (2014). The Better Boundaries Workbook. Google Books. https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=mWUcEAAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PT7&dq=healthy+boundaries&ots=97Xfi3bE-u&sig=3SgKrOA_yqh
gqKJ7Td_UJeVkeI#v=onepage&q=healthy%20boundaries&f=false
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